Interior, night. The kitchen of Lord Fannyweather. Squire Moore and Salmonella wait anxiously for the Fannyweathers to finish their cake. This is a difficult and tiresome process. The cake is eaten slowly and with great affection.
Squire Moore: FOR THE LOVE OF ST. BERNARD HURRY UP! EVAN COULD BE DEAD ALREADY!
Lord Fannyweather: Back when I was a fireman, I left a maternity ward burn down so me and Herself could finish a raspberry sponge. What is Evan's life to an entire maternity ward?
Moore: (Angry mutterings)
3 Hours Later
Squire Moore and Salmonella have fallen asleep on the couch. Fannyweather loudly deposits his plate on the sink, waking them both.
Herself: What did you think of the cake dear?
Fannyweather: Bit shit actually
Herself: Yeah, I'd nearly have skipped it.
Moore: Can we go now?
Fannyweather:...................................................okay.
END SCENE
Scene 16
Exterior. Dawn. Salmonella, Squire and Fannyweather walk towards the pirate hideout to bring great justice. They carry a large arsenal of weapons in a burlap sack. They see the well-defended hideout at the end of the road.
Salmonella: At least eight men on sentry, probably a lot more inside.
Fannyweather: Do we have a plan?
Squire Moore: Yes. We charge wildly towards the hideout, firing bullets at the bad men.
Fannyweather: I see you have studied Napoleonic strategy.
Squire Moore: Yes. I just hope we don't get blownapart!
The trio laugh hysterically at the witty joke. The audience too are enthralled and titillated by the sophisticated witticism.
Fannyweather: Well, funny jokes aside. We'd better get to it.
Moore: Hold on, we'd better check ourselves for testicular cancer first. We don't want to come down with cancer in the middle of a firefight.
Salmonella: Good idea.
The trio grope themselves and ensure they have no lumps on their scrotum. Moore, being meticulous, asks a passing woman for a second opinion. She politely declines.
Moore: Well, I'm not entirely happy about this. Is there maybe a way we can sneak in unnoticed?
Mysterious Voice: Well, it just so happens there is.
Our heroes turn to find themselves face to face with Miguel Sanchez. Sanchez stands seven feet tall. He has an indefinable wildness in his eyes, that speak of wild moors and windswept islands. He is ludicrously drunk.
Squire Moore: Ah Miguel, what is you speak of?
Miguel: There is a secret entrance. See that nightclub over there? In the wine cellar there is a trap door that leads to the basement of the pirate hideout. Come on, we'll go in together.
The four men head into the nightclub, except for Miguel who is halted by the bouncer.
Bouncer: Sorry, you're too drunk and posessing of a certain wildness. I can't let you in.
Miguel: Awwwwwwwwwwwww. But why? I'm not drunk, leave me in. Why are you so mean? Stop being mean. I hate you.
Bouncer: Sorry bud.
Miguel: Well, we'll see what Fris Bafroth has to say about this!
Miguel makes a phone call.
2 hours later
Fris Bafroth, a young and dynamic heart surgeon, arrives at the scene, still wearing a medical gown and covered in blood.
Fris: Miguel, what's the emergency? I was in the middle of open heart surgery fifty kilometres away.
Miguel: He won't let me in. He says I'm drunk (hiccup).
Fris: Okay....What does this have to do with me?
Miguel: I thought you would have wanted to know.
Fris: .....you were wrong.
Miguel turns again to the bouncer: C'mon, let me in.
Bouncer: No.
Miguel starts turning bright red. His eyes turn yellow and strange bulges start appearing all over his body.
Bouncer: What now?
Fris: His whining is reaching critical mass and when that happens....
Miguel suddenly morphs into a moaning velociraptor.
Fris: He becomes Sulkosaurus!
Sulkosaurus lets out a might roar
Sulkosauras: C'mon...let me in.
Bouncer: I wouldn't let you in when you were slightly sloshed. Why would I let you in now that you're a bloody dinosaur?
Sulkosaurus wets himself in frustration.
END SCENE
