Scenes 10-12

Scene 10

Exterior. Daytime. An innocent inner city playground. A large number of young children and several teachers are gathered around a truly fearful sight. Enter Backpack, a popular item of luggage, associated mainly with young travellers.
Backpack: I say, what has everyone so entranced?
Teacher: See for yourself.
The crowd parts, revealing drunken scallywags 1 and 2 canoodling in the middle of the circle.
Backpack: Why has nobody stopped those ne'er do wells?
Teacher: They smell awful and have been here for hours. Nobody wants to get too close...
Backpack: I'll handle this...
Backpack walks to the middle of the circle
Backpack: Ahem!
Scallywags 1 and 2 are jolted from their drink-soaked revelry. They stand up, revealing themselves. Both are bollock-naked and have a thick lining of blue fur all over their bodies.
Scallywag 2: Humbo..gru...bleuh?
Scallywag 1: Gurk?
Backpack slaps both of them
Backpack: Do you have any idea where you are?
Scallywags look around at the scarred, tearful eyes of the children.
Scallywag 1: Pub?
Backpack slaps them again, more violently this time. One of Scallywag 1's eyeballs becomes dislodged.
Backpack (angrily): NO! NOT PUB! PLAYGROUND!
Scallywags slowly realise the reality of their situation and blush slightly. Scallywag 2 takes a swig of 'Musket Gunning's Old-Time Country Liquor'.
Backpack: Yes, you understand now?
Scallywags grunt in the affirmative
Backpack: Good! Now off to the Bawdyhouse with you, where you belong.
Exit Scallywags
Backpack turns to leave. Suddenly he sees Evan exiting the brothel from across the road.
Backpack: Oh my...

END SCENE

Scene 11

Interior. Night. Backpack's apartment, where Handbag has been staying since she left Evan the night before. Handbag is looking at a picture of Evan and has been visibly sobbing. Enter Backpack
Backpack: Still upset I see?
Handbag:...
Backpack: You know he was never right for you...There are other guys....and sentient containers..
Handbag: Stop. I know where you're going with this. You're a good friend Backpack, but there's only one man for me. Evan is kind, considerate and can ride me like a Mayo donkey. I shouldn't have left. Me and Evan can get through this together.
Backpack: (Sigh) There's something you should know.....

End Scene

Scene 12

Interior. Night. The annual Daisy of Dungarvan competition. Evan and Squire Moore, a dashing young aristocrat, take their place in the audience.
Evan: Thanks for this Squire but I'm not sure I'm really in the mood...
Squire Moore: Oh nonsense old boy! It'll lift your spirits! By the way, you're welcome to stay at my place as long as you need
Evan: Thanks. Oh, it's starting...
The curtains part, revealing host Pat Kenny. Pat Kenny is dressed in a grey suit and tie. Unknown to the audience, Pat is wearing leather bondage gear underneath...
Pat: Welcome to the Daisy of Dungarvan competition!
Pat's thoughts: Hello minions!
Pat: Tonight we shall have lovely girls from Donegal to Dingle all vying for the judge's vote
Pat's thoughts: Yeah! We gonna have sexy bitches from Tullamore to Imloughmore trynna get in with the Patman! Oh yeah, things are gonna get hot up in here!
Pat, overwhelmed by desire, suddenly grabs his crotch
Evan: Did Pat Kenny just grab his crotch?
Squire Moore: I believe so.
Evan: Should be an interesting evening...

END SCENE

Writer's Notes to Scene 12

Casual observers may make the mistake of thinking that the 'Daisy of Dungarvan' is being used to avoid sparking a law suit with the 'Rose of Tralee' people. This could not be further from the truth. I would consider the whole project a failure if it didn't result in several lawsuits. Rather, the 'Daisy of Dungarvan' competition is an event being launched later this year by myself and a collaborator as a hip-hop alternative to the 'Rose of Tralee'. The film will not likely be released until at least 2012, by which time the 'Daisy of Dungarvan' will have replaced the now irrelevant Rose of Tralee competition. As such I am simply planning ahead. Also, while the idea of Pat Kenny suddenly grabbing his crotch may seem farfetched, the incident is based on an actual encounter between myself and Pat early last year, when, in addition to grabbing his crotch, he also began masturbating. Needless to say, I found the whole thing offensive and left soon afterwards.